The Narcissist has had control of my emotion’s for 7 years.. 

If your husband leaved you for another woman the Marriage is clearly over so why does he still want to control the wife he no longer wishes to be married to. And how does the homewrecker not see this happening.  Its clear the mind of the narcissist is devoted to two people one to love and one to destroy.

I had been cheated on for 17 years and I mean the entire marriage.  He has broken up homes, my best friend married 4 children gutted by the deceit. Her husband a great bloke caught them in bed together, I wish he had of shared the information at through time it would of changed the course of history for me and my 3 children and given me back 5 wasted years.

I know know the lies of working late, interstate travel, dinners, the list goes on were all a fabrication in his secret world of women. AndI believed him why because I didn’t see any reason whatsoever he would lie to me, because it wasn’t just me he was lying to it was his family his children.

He and the homewrecker went on to marry had a child and that’s great I hope he treats her well and not the doormat I was the one that put up with the drunken confrontations, and lies.  I then ask myself how could this woman now herself a mother condone the alienation of another mother, does she ever wonder if one day it could be her, I guess it just shows the poor character of these people.

I have finally released the control of this narcissistic bastard and thanks to Veterans Affairs am in trauma counselling for severe PTSD. My heart will be forever broken but to gain the tools to have empowerment over my pain I can learn to live again.

I know it will eventually take me

It is Killing me, slowly no amount of counselling helps.  I can’t live another 30-40 years like this, I will never see happiness in my life..My ex husband left me has a happy life and this whole time he controlled me emotionally he knew I would and couldn’t live without my babies.. 


On my way to hell

Smoking ICE for almost 2 years solid had me homeless on the street, hungry , cold and very scared, prior to this I lost the only man who loved me without question my dad, it wasn’t real I couldn’t get a grip on it, I was so much like my dad and I know for sure I am alive today because he wouldn’t let me give up he was there with me, I knew I was a fighter, strong in my own mind I never knew how strong till now.  I had all but destroyed my relationship with my mum I loved my mum but I would tell her it should of been her dead not my dad. I didn’t mean it but I wanted to see her hurt actually see it she doesn’t show emotion I couldn’t see her grieving. I knew if I stayed on the street much longer I would die, I rang my mum and asked her to get me out of there.  I moved to where she was living still on that road to hell.  I knew mum didn’t really want me there, she wanted to be alone she needs to grieve but she just wouldn’t let it go.  I had been off the drugs for a while after being there but of course I managed to find them and here I was back in them again but within about a month the worst would happen walking down the street psychosis would hit me I was out the front of the AOD clinic at the time and I ran in there and begged for help.. And help is what I got. Diagnosed with delusional paranoia a nicer terminology to schizophrenia. I put myself into rehab but only lasted 2 weeks and yes back on it again. eventually breaking the cycle and rebuilding it’s not easy I have diagnosed Post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorder, social anxiety a fear of people my life is isolated and every night before I go to sleep I pray that I dont wake up. The days are long the nights are scary I sleep with the light on I am afraid of the dark.

Everyday I ask myself what the fuck did he say to my 3 children to make them hate me so, I think back to my childhood not a thing in this world would ever make me stop loving my mum.

My journey of destruction

So I’m 40 alone my family gone there was no making sense of it.  I had no friends all the friends were his… He always thought he was better than anyone else.. Always right.  He was a drunk never physically violent but the mental abuse turned out to be worse.  And once I was aware of various women he had had on the side the lies all became apparent.  I never ever got something nice brought for me but the women whom he treated so well were not as priveledge as I was to be his cleaner, slave and the one he would have worry for nights on end when he just never came home I remember once phoning hospitals I was worried but no explanation when I asked I was nagging I now know he never wanted to be there.

So here I am, I had no idea what the outside world was like but I was so very wrong to assume everyone was just like me a good person brought up with good morals.  But I had also lived In a bubble I remember seeing homeless people for the first time it was heartbreaking and so non Australian and no body cared Governments didn’t that’s for sure. 

So I had lived a sheltered life I made some friends, I mean I met some people who would see my kindness as a weakness, and I was either Gullable or stupid or both. I had never done drugs shit I didn’t even drink it started with speed made me feel I could cope with the loss of my children I felt like I had control of myself, I gained back my self esteem and was looking good.  During this time I met a man who treated me like so nice he had two awesome kids and I just adored them I fell in love with this man for the first time I actually knew how it felt.  It lasted about 8 months but he still deeply loved his ex the mother of his children I call it right place wrong time. And yes I’m guilty of allowing his kids to fill a very empty void in my heart.

When we split I went back to the so called friends I had I now refer to them as the  bottom feeders of society, only speed seemed to go out of Vogue..  I would start to use what I call the demon drug ICE. I wanted destruction well I wouldn’t know for some time how much devastation would be caused.