3 years ago I met a man he came across as your typical egotistical Neanderthal, a grumpy bastard for use of a better word. He saved my life I was so far down rock bottom with drugs I didn’t even recognize myself. But this man without knowing me knew I was worth saving when nobody else gave a shit.

He too was hit rock bottom with the love of his life dying of cancer you can See it in his eyes. And over the past three years We have become really good friends so much so I don’t know what I would do without him.

Even after a 17 year marriage I don’t know what the word love is i’ve never felt it I’ve never had it just way that roll dice rolls I guess. There’s lots I don’t know about this man but he knows everything about me I guess he’s guarded. I’m not one for talking about my feelings afraid of rejection maybe here I am sitting here and I blurted out I’m falling in love with you as you can imagine it went real quiet I don’t give much care if I got a negative response because it’s exactly how I felt.

Prior to this and up to now had been a little quiet I just thought he had a lot of work on trying not to annoy him too often but then I get that you better sit down text, And he tells me that he has bone cancer the possibility of anything happening between us is not up for discussion so many maters in this world. I cried constable what do you say to a person that tells you this, he continued to say I deserve to be happy and with the cancer I wouldn’t be happy you know even when a text comes in who might be my ring just put that small my face you know none of this is fair. What do I know about love absolutely nothing, what do I know about friendship, That it’s damn hard to find. None of this is about me but God I’m hurting because I’m afraid i’ll never get to see him again because he care so much about my broken heart, Fuck it he could be for another 7 to 10 years nobody knows I could get hit by bus tomorrow please stop pushing me away.

Author: my3littleducksnevercameback

A mum destroyed, I can't find a happy place in my heart or mind it never gets easier.. 6 years on and the pain I just can't take anymore.

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